It worked!

Okay, if we do stay. I will put updates on this site as I am able to do so. As of right now, we have no plans to leave. That may change tonight. If I leave, I will post that too.

update test

This message is to see if i can update this blog from my phone .

Gustav

I was reading the blogs of some of my friends who lost much during Katrina. I wish that I could give everyone peace during this thing; a peace I don't even have myself. I didn't lose my house. I got minor damage. But I did lose my childhood homes, my grandparents houses. The things that meant "home" to me no longer exist. And as Gustav approaches, I feel anxiety for this area. How can I forget all the pain Katrina brought? Broken marriages, suicides, depression, deaths.

As I look toward this hurricane, I can't even imagine what waits for us on the other side of it. We are staying. Because our house suffered minimal damage during Katrina, and we are well prepared, we are going to ride it out. Is that naive? I don't know.

But here we are, and unless this looks like it will strengthen more than it shows now, here we will stay. So, if you would like us to check on your stuff, just let me know.

I will try to give updates, if possible. I think there is a way to text updates, either to this or to myspace. If I can, I will do that. In the meantime, please pray for us. And I will be praying for everyone and for this area. And for the peace that passes all understanding for us all. I have written something on Ezekiel. I will post that shortly. Maybe it will give us all a little encouragement.

By the way, my myspace page is this watering the vine

To My Sisters Who Were at the Wednesday Night Bible Study

Let me tell you about the dream I had last night:

I was riding home with a man I knew casually (not a person I know in real life). My husband and children were gone, absent from my life for some unknown reason. We were heading towards my new home; an apartment I had rented with my mother. When we reached my complex, he walked me into the lobby area, but I couldn't remember quite which apartment was ours.

I called my mother's phone number on my cell phone. As I waited for the phone to ring, I saw new folders being opened on my PDA phone and realized that someone was trying to hack into my files. I immediately began to shut down my phone, relieved that I was able to stop their progress.

Upon noticing my excitement, the man I was with grabbed my arm and an older man nearby came toward me. They said they belonged to the group that had tried to hack my phone and they were taking me away. I did not fight.

As they began to lead me toward the exit, the older man produced a thin metal tube about a foot long and calmly said that he hated having to do this to a pretty young woman. He then turned my wrist palm up and proceeded to insert the needle just underneath the skin almost all the way up my forearm. I watched as the blood began to pool under my skin and bruise the area around the needle.

The next thing I remember is becoming aware that my hands and feet were strapped to a chair where I sat under a light in a dark room surrounded by darkly clothed men with indistinct faces. I vaguely heard one of them say something about how long "it" would take.

The needle was still in my arm, which was beginning to feel cold.

I couldn't speak, or had nothing to say, feeling trapped inside my body, relaxed, and drowsy. I could hear my heart beating distinctly, loudly, slowly, and slowing. I kept thinking to myself, "God will not let me die!" "God will not let me die!" But yet my heart beat more slowly and faintly and my arm grew colder... until at last I heard silence.

Then I woke up...

Ladies, we have an enemy. The words of Peter speak to us now about this. "Be sober! Be on the alert! Your adversary the Devil is prowling around like a roaring lion, looking for anyone he can devour. Resist him, firm in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are being experienced by your brothers in the world." (1 Peter 5:8-9) The same sufferings are being experienced by us all. I knew after I woke up and talked about my dream to my husband that I needed to tell you as well. I knew I had to take the advice I gave to Connie and not keep this to myself.

Satan will not just try to intimidate one of us... he wants to intimidate us all. He will do what he can to shut down each of us AND our loved ones if he can.

I mentioned at the beginning that my husband and children were not in my dream. No, they were in my husband's dream. The same night that I dreamt of being bound to a chair, he dreamt of being bound to a chair. Enemies tied him up and threatened to force him to watch them torture our children unless he renounced Christ. My husband would not renounce our Lord, but said that he knew his children would be in heaven upon death. The torture of our children then began and he was forced to watch it until he woke up in a nervous sweat.

But we are not powerless before our enemy. "Therefore, submit to God. But resist the Devil, and he will flee from you." (James 4:7) Satan will try to scare us, trick us, tempt us, and cripple us using any means he can, including our most vulnerable loved ones, because he has no honor. There is no good in him.

He doesn't want us to continue what we started this Wednesday past. He wants to bind us, but we can resist him. Jesus told Peter, "You are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the forces of Hades will not overpower it. I will give you the keys of the kingdom, and whatever you bind on earth will have been bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will have been loosed in heaven." (Matthew 16:18-19) What does a key do but open a door and, in this case, let something out. Peter was our forerunner and we are the heirs of this promise. God is not our errand-boy. He will not honor petty requests. But he certainly does not wish for Satan to bind any of his children.

So when Satan targets us, let us call out like the archangel Michael did, "The Lord rebuke you!," when he was disputing with the Devil (Jude v.9). And let us furthermore ask that same Lord to bind Satan from his working in our lives, that the power of the Holy Spirit may flow freely through us to others.

May we also pray for each other that we may be strong in the faith and pure of heart, so that Satan doesn't have the opportunity to trap us. Paul writes to Timothy, "Flee from youthful passions, and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart. But reject foolish and ignorant disputes, knowing that they breed quarrels. The Lord's slave must not quarrel, but must be gentle to everyone, able to teach, and patient, instructing his opponents with gentleness. Perhaps God will grant them repentance to know the truth. Then they may come to their senses and escape the Devil's trap, having been captured by him to do his will." (2 Timothy 2:22-26)

So, I ask you to join me in following Paul's advice, "whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable- if there is any moral excellence and if there is any praise- dwell on these things. Do what you have learned and received and heard and seen... and the God of peace will be with you." (Philippians 4:8-9) So that when you wake up in the morning and set your feet on the floor, Satan will cry, "Oh no! She is awake!"

This Summer

I guess I need to clarify my last entry. Several things have come together to make this me feel this way. My mood has been influenced partly by my circumstances, partly by my actions, and partly by my nature. So, I'll explain these each in turn.

For the past few years, life has been challenging. We have a good sized family and business to run... and that takes much energy. Things are on the upswing, but we have years of damage to repair (financially, primarily) and the going is slow. So sometimes the strain of our circumstances weighs me down.

...And this is where my actions come in. This past year was extremely busy and so I've been trying to take it easy this summer. To this effect, I haven't been doing my daily Bible study. Without my daily dose of God's refreshing Word, and His perspective on life, I fall much more easily into shortsightedness and "the wind and the waves" of life's troubles begin push me around.

My nature assists this process. I am always concerned about my tendency toward pride. Whenever I see the temptation to pride, I begin to back off and back down. But I am probably in no real danger of becoming too prideful for this reason; I am much too aware of my faults. Ever since I was a little girl, I've been incredibly aware that I'm not "all I'm cracked up to be." I've never measured up and will never measure up to whatever standard I set for myself. This is why I can write the kind of poem posted in my previous entry.

God has given me to know that my time and efforts for the advancement of His kingdom are not gone to waste. He made it clear that, "You are My slave and I would not waste your time." However, I know what I'm like when all eyes are off of me. Oh, what tales my kids (and husband and mother) could tell... and they don't know what I'm thinking!

I guess this is a type of a "thorn in my side," as Paul called it. And I thank God that He built something into my nature to keep me somewhat humble... what a monster I would be without it. However, when I give it full rein it takes me to a terrible place... and lazy, undisciplined, "vacation from school" summer is just what it needed to take over.

God's Word keeps me sane. It is just what I need to get me back on track. I've been indulging what I shouldn't and the you've seen the results of it. The poem is accurate. That is the cry of my heart. I can't say as to how accurate a picture it is of the reality of my life. But my hope is that when I die, I die able to say that I've made a difference (for the better) in the lives of others... and the more the better.

So, I guess I'm asking you all (or you "one" or whoever reads this) to not take me too seriously in this one instance. You've just seen one of the sides of my personality that I thought I'd risk to show you.

...And thanks for the support.

Poetry?

One Friday recently, I was sitting at a restaurant waiting for a table with a very heavy heart. It was one of Steve and my date nights, but the spirit of this summer was weighing heavily on me. Summer is usually a time spent getting over the last school year and getting ready for the next one; with all the nostalgia, boredom, anticipation, and occasional fun that accompanies it. This summer has seen me feeling heavy-hearted. Much has happened in this past year and I have been greatly changed by it. Some of what passed I regret and I have much to be grateful for. But this interim between school years finds me with a deep need for real beauty. Art, poetry, music... And this is what flowed out of my heart that heavy Friday night...

Uninspired I sit imprisoned,
Longing for something I cannot have.
Oh, to create a thing of beauty,
The beautiful hymn of a life.

Why can I not reach up and grasp,
What many others have since laid down?
And watch it bloom within my hands,
And spread it's petals to the wind.

To have the pouring out from me,
Water another human soul.
To have a dream to pass along,
And inspire dreams in another heart.

Let me not be contained!
But open me up,
Spread me around the world,
Till I no longer exist.

This is my dream.
This is my desire.
Make my life a beautiful thing,
Fill me up and pour me out.

Let this vessel of clay,
Be Your golden chalice.

And nourish those
Who come to You,

With the water,
You've turned into wine.

The Meaning of Worship

I am currently reading a book called "The Names of God" by Lester Sumrall in preparation (or rather anticipation) of doing a study on the names of God. While reading what he wrote about the name Elohim, I got a clearer vision of what worship is. I've often wondered why we worship the way we do and why it matters. And, to be honest, I've wondered about the necessity of worshipping in song, prayer, etc. on Sunday morning. I've always understood the purpose of spreading the Word, but why the worship? Lester Sumrall doesn't address this, but I'd like to share what I discovered.

On p. 52 of his book, Lester Sumrall writes, "the name elohim basically means 'something (or someone) that is worshipped.' The elohim were the things most revered and honored by ancient man." For clarification, Elohim is a name of God as well; He is the "One that is worshipped." But as I read this I began to think about the word elohim and us today. But before I get there, Mr. Sumrall points out something else on p.52: "Our modern word worship comes from the Old English word, weorthscipe, meaning 'to attribute worth' to something. That's what the pagan people did to their elohim; they believed idols had great power to influence their everyday lives."

When I combined the definitions for worship and elohim, I saw that the thing that we worship is the thing that we think has worth. Conversely, the thing that we think has worth is the thing we worship. I had often wondered how the hand-carved idol of the ancients had transformed into the modern day "idols" of money, career, beauty, etc. I mean, how did the word become applied to something more abstract in present-day terms whereas the idols of the Old Testament and New were clearly physical representations of some "god" or other. Now, this makes more sense.

Our business has gone through some tough times lately and not too many months ago, I had to come to terms with the very real possibility that we might lose everything, including our house. I began to take a good look at what our house and our possessions and our business really meant to me. I had to make the shift in my mind from "doing everything to keep them" to "being willing to give them up." It was upon coming to the realization that if we were reduced to nothing, with only our family and the clothes on our backs, we would still be blessed and God would still provide for us, that I realized the worth I had given all the things around me.

In other words, if we expect our work to provide for us, then we've given it worth over the God who provides. If we expect beauty or accomplishments to make us important to others, then we give them value over the God who gives us worth. If we expect our careers or activities to fulfill us and give meaning to our lives, then we give them worth over the God who fills us and gives our lives meaning. If we expect our home to protect us, our money to feed us and give us pleasure, our children to validate us, our entertainment to make us happy, etc., then we give all of these things a worth that should be given only to God. He is our "all in all." (Couples, are you paying attention? Spouses and lovers count here, too.)

I look around at my house, my children, and the beauty and bounty God has placed around me with new perspective. God wants us to enjoy everything He has given us; He wants that our "joy may be made full. (John 15:11)" I think He delights when we take pleasure in what He puts in our lives. Like a parent watching their child open presents on Christmas, I believe it gives Him joy when we appreciate what we have. The problem originates when we give the the things we enjoy a value they were never meant to have.

But what does this have to do with Sunday morning worship? I'm glad you asked. If the thing we worship is the thing we say has worth, then when we come together on Sunday morning to worship the One True God, we publicly and corporately proclaim His value. When we gather together to sing the songs and lift our hands and voices in praise, we are telling the world and each other that on this Sunday morning our God means something to us.

I am not an overly demonstrative person and I usually feel awkward to lift my hands in front of other people. But this past Sunday, I unhesitatingly declared that my God is the only One who has true worth and value. This realization I had of what it means to worship has given my Sunday morning more meaning. My prayer is that it does the same for some of you.

As a side note, the Hebrew word for worship means to bow down or prostrate oneself. It is the physical act of lowering oneself before the greatness of God. (Doesn't it make lifting the hands seem rather innocuous?)But the message is the same: God is worthy. Amen.