Better Things to Come

Very early in my college career, I decided to let loose. I had no real reason not to just do whatever I wanted, and so I did just that. One Mardi Gras, perhaps my first as a college student, we went to the French Quarter. In my mind, I made a game of kissing whomever I wanted. I know that I kissed a number of people, but I only remember kissing one person. In fact, I'll probably never forget him or that kiss.

I didn't ask him for his name nor did he ask me for mine. In fact, we may not have said much more than "hello." All I remember about him was that he was good-looking with dark hair and he wore a black leather jacket in the cold night air. But when he kissed me something happened to me that I had never felt before nor have ever felt since. A hot flash went through my body, as though I had been hit by lightning and I think I went weak. I definitely walked away from him shaking and shocked that something as blind as a kiss from a stranger could have that effect on my body. But I definitely walked away, still not asking him his name, not ever intending to see him again.

Why, you might ask, did I walk away? That answer is summed up in one very simple and incredibly complicated word: fear. Oh, how I could have lost myself to him. In an instant, I knew that I could easily become a slave to a man who could do that to me with one kiss. My gut feeling told me to run away and not look back. I never, ever, wanted to give anyone that much power over me.

But the bigger question for the moment is why am I writing this now, in a forum where everyone can see, when I haven't thought about this for a long time? What made me think of the kiss isn't nearly as important as what the kiss made me think of. It is little short of amazing the kind of power that desire can wield over us. I've given up several forms of pleasure in my choice to live a life pleasing to God. I believe with all my heart that I've made the right choice. I don't want to go back to chasing those temporary pleasures that only leave me with cravings for more, once the short time of satisfaction vaporizes. I choose to live with the satisfaction God gives me and deal with the temporary cravings, than live with craving and enjoy temporary satisfaction.

But it's encouraging to remember that there IS something more to look forward to. My Bible tells me that the things on earth are but a shadow of the things to come. If another human being, a created thing, can have that kind of effect on me, what effect will I experience in the very presence of my God? God shielded Moses when He passed in front of him because one sight of God would have killed Moses. If a human man could make me weak, what will not a glimpse, not just the sight, but the full Presence and nearness of my LORD do to me? What will I feel when "I shall know just as I am also known." When I no longer "see in a mirror, dimly," but see "face to face."

There are so many things about my past that I wish I could change. Were I asked, I would counsel someone NOT to do the things I did. My experiences have brought me more long-term grief than they brought me short-term pleasure. But I am who I am today because I was there then. Yet, I need to share these thoughts, to show just how much God has shown me a better way. To use the things I intended for bad, for the Glory of God. Maybe no one will read this, which is better for me. But if you are reading this, may you receive the message I intend to send and seek the Lord while He may be found.