Not Alone

My 9 year old came into our room the other night, so upset from a dream that woke him up that he couldn't speak. For a while, he refused to talk about it. He watched some television with us while he calmed down and relaxed. Before long, he softly said to me, "I'm ready to talk about it." Then, he proceeded to tell me his dream.

He was walking throughout the house looking for his brothers and for us, but we were not there. Then, he walked down to his grandfather's house. But he was not there either. In fear, he realized that he was alone. Everybody he loved and trusted to care for him was gone. His nightmare was that he was alone.

Don't we have that problem, those of us who believe in God? As we face the unknown, our lack of faith stems from a fear that God will ultimately not be there. I'm not saying that this is a fear that He doesn't exist. But sometimes we fear that He won't be there with us.

When money is tight in September and we don't know how we'll pay for our house note or rent in October, aren't we really afraid that God won't be there for us in October? God has promised to take care of us and provide for us in Matthew, Chapter 6:25-34 "Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature? So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. "Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." Yet, we still worry about tomorrow.

We know God has taken care of us in the past. We know God has taken care of us today. We know logically that because God is faithful and always has been faithful, we can trust Him to be faithful in the future. But underneath the surface lies the fear, the one the prompts the nightmare, that when we go looking for God, He won't be there. What if the day we go looking for Him, we just don't find Him? What if one day, we're all alone?

Why do I bring this up? In a way, it's scandalous to suggest that a Christian might harbor this fear, even when trust and belief rest on the surface. How is it possible that both trust and fear lie in the same breast? I honestly don't have the answer to that myself... except to say that we remain human, even when touched by the divine. The fear occasionally sits side-by-side in my own heart and once rested in the heart of a man who spoke to Jesus, "Immediately the father of the child cried out and said with tears, 'Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!'" (Mark 9:24)

My son knows that we will be here for him tomorrow. In fact, when he wakes up, he will expect it. During his waking hours, it would never occur to him that we would simply disappear. Yet underneath it all, that particular fear exists in him and most likely influences his behavior in ways we cannot imagine. Similarly, we consciously expect God to come through for us. Yet underneath it all, a small seed of doubt causes us to respond in ways that don't reflect what we consciously believe.

How do we combat this dangerous kernel of doubt? I would be lying if I suggested that I have mastered this fear myself. But I think Jesus gave us the keys to doing so. He definitely knew we would struggle with this the fear of abandonment. In a conversation on another issue, Jesus told His disciples, "whoever humbles himself as this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven." (Matthew 18:4) So what did my little child do when he encountered the nighttime evidence of this fear? He ran straight to us. He came crying into my arms. At the fear that we would not be there, he hurried to come find us. And he did find us.

When we grown-ups encounter our fear, do we run to God? I know that I am guilty of staying to myself. Sometimes, I cuddle my fear; afraid that if I run to find God, I won't find him. If my son had done the same, he would have stayed in his bed crying alone when my arms were nearby and ready to comfort him. How sad that we, as adults, sometimes lie crying in our beds, feeling alone, while God is ready to hold us in His arms and calm our fears with His Presence. How it must hurt Him, as a loving parent, when He longs to comfort us and we sit, instead, rocking in a corner hugging our knees refusing to get up and walk into His arms.

I thank you, God, that you are a God who reaches out to comfort us and stands ready and waiting to receive us into your arms. "For He Himself has said, 'I will never leave you nor forsake you.'" (Hebrews 13:5)[and] "Lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age." (Matthew 28:20)