The Redemption of Pain

Pain is an unfortunate part of life, but it is also unavoidable. People who run with all their might find that pain finds them. And those who open their lives to people who are hurting frequently get hurt themselves. Pain even works its way into the midst of healthy loving families and people who have joined together to do good. Churches which strive to follow, live by and share the teachings of the man of love, Christ himself, are full of people who have been hurt by churches that were trying to follow, live by and share the teachings of Christ.

So, what's the point of it all? Why try so hard? If everyone suffers pain, what does it matter how you live?

It matters, because Christ came to redeem our lives. What that means is that He takes what was bad and makes it good. Not only does he change our lives into something better, but he changes our experiences, too. He takes what was meant for evil and uses it for our benefit. This is what redemption is. This is what makes pain in a Christian's life different.

I speak from experience. A few years ago, and I'm going to be intentionally vague so as not to malign anyone, something happened that rocked my Christian world. I was involved in ministry, but struggling deeply with personal difficulties, and something built to the point that it exploded. I was completely shaken. For a few months, I couldn't even go to church for fear that my crying would raise questions I didn't want to have to answer. The situation was bad enough, I didn't want to make it worse. And to complicate matters, I still loved the other people involved and believed that they were doing their best. But we were all stumbling our way through this and hurting each other in the process.

In a few months, I was able to return to church, but those relationships haven't been the same since. And I haven't been the same since. Most notably, I have avoided any serious commitment to ministry and my one attempt at a return failed miserably. Consequently, I have suffered, my family has suffered and those I should have reached out to have suffered.

But, God is in the business of using suffering and he has used it in me. In the time that has passed since the suffering, he has changed me. I was partly responsible for the "something that exploded" because of my attitudes, my pride, and my inability to trust God to work in the situations of life and the people around me. He has softened me, humbled me, and made me more considerate and thoughtful.

Now, he had to make the initial changes with a butcher knife, but He has since changed to the soft polishing cloth and oil. What do I mean? In addition, to putting people in my life who have helped rebuild my confidence and just love me, He has gently shown me what has been preventing me from fully moving forward. One morning a couple of weeks ago, as I was getting ready for church, He revealed to me that I had not really forgiven the other people that were involved: the people who I felt had not seen the real me and had not accepted my attempts to reach out. I had forgiven those involved in the "explosion," but I had not forgiven the misunderstandings that led up to it. And forgiveness is freeing! Before you forgive a person, you still feel the need to "do" something about the wrong. But when you truly forgive, the problem just goes away; that's one less thing on your shoulder.

And then there was this morning. I forgave, but what now? Should I let them know it? Should I contact them? Write a letter? Or keep quiet? And it hit me! Really, I still wanted their understanding. Instead of seeing their lack of understanding as due to their own issues or difficulties at the time, I felt they were holding out from me; that they didn't want to understand. Really, I was still holding them accountable for something I had had to let go of in myself: insensitivity. So, my answer was "no," I didn't need to let them know.

True forgiveness means accepting that whatever in them contributed to the problem is no longer my problem. Were they unable to understand? Then, that was a sad flaw in them that I hope has been remedied just as I hope it has been remedied in me. Were they unwilling to understand? Then, that is a sinful attitude that is God's problem to deal with. Either way, as I release them, I can let it go and my own life will be more meaningful. And whatever the reasons this all happened, I am a better person because they did. The changes in me were needed and I welcome them looking back.

So, yes, pain comes for us all. But it does not need to cripple our spirits. Trust God to work in all situations and relationships and He will... and we will be better for it. And, as Galatians 6:9-10  says, "So we must not get tired of doing good, for we will reap at the proper time if we don't give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, we must work for the good of all, especially for those who belong to the household of faith."
And don't forget, some trees take years to produce good fruit.