Unholy Union: The Lure of the Vampire and Why I Left My Love Affair

In 2004, I threw away my entire collection of Anne Rice vampire books. Yep, in the garbage... including my autographed copy of Blood and Gold. Why did I do this? What led me to throw years of enjoyment and loads of dollars of hardcover books in the trash? Well, I'd like to tell you.

Years ago, through experimentation and exploration, I came face to face with a regular source of frustration; my own limits. I'm not talking about limited abilities, limited experience, or limited knowledge. This was a different kind of limit. There was a barrier I could not cross no matter how hard I tried. That limit was myself.

I know, I know, you're thinking, "What on earth is she talking about?" I'll try my best to explain. As myself, I was alone. But I desperately wanted to share with someone else. I wanted to be united as one with someone else. So, I entered into a love relationship and I loved deeply. But still we were not one.

Every way we tried to unite was insufficient. Words just simply don't capture the full meaning of thoughts. Some of the most profound thoughts and feelings I tried to express sounded empty to my own ears. When he spoke, try as I might, I could not think what he thought and feel what he felt. I could not enter his mind or his soul.

But it wasn't just a spiritual barrier. I wanted to unite completely. Physical connection was not enough; I wanted UNION. I hated that my own skin prevented me from experiencing him more fully. I wanted to become one with him: share our blood supply, move together, share thoughts, share purpose, share life. I wanted to tear apart everything that separated us, but the barrier remained.

During this time, I met Lestat and his brethren (Anne Rice's vampires). They were like us; incredibly passionate beings. But they had managed to cross the barrier. In the act of drinking blood, the ultimate vampiric union, they became one with their victim. They shared the blood supply, they shared thoughts, they shared memories, they shared life, and if the vampire wasn't careful, they would share death. The undead were able to accomplish what the living could not; union with another human being. This spoke to my deepest needs. The books were entertaining, but the dream was enchanting. The evil became beautiful, death became life. The characters danced to the tune my soul was playing... and I stayed to watch.

While my life went on and I could not have what I longed for, I returned again and again to the world of fulfilled fantasies, where sharing blood made two become one. That is, my life went on this way until I realized that there is a reality that makes the fantasy pale in comparison.

In the 1992 movie Bram Stoker's Dracula, Count Dracula loves Mina and longs for her to share eternity with him. So, he drinks her blood and then offers him her own; the blood that would make her immortal. Mina drinks deeply, passionately, almost nursing like a baby, the blood of her wicked lover. But there is another Lover out there. His love is a pure, unselfish love and He wants to be one with us. He also has offered His blood, that we might share in His death and rise to His life.

He offered His blood to me, I accepted it, and we became one. My barrier went away. He lives in me. The deeper I drink of Him, the fuller I feel; I am never alone.

If you don't know much about Christianity, then let me explain this to you. Jesus said to the people, "'If anyone is thirsty, let Him come to Me and drink! Whoever believes in Me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from deep within him.' He said this about the Spirit, whom those who believed in Him were going to receive." Jesus taught that after His resurrection, His Spirit would come and live in all who choose to believe in Him. Read His words to His disciples:

"... I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Counselor to be with you forever - the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. On that day, you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you."

I put some of Jesus' words in italics because they happened to me. I began to live, to really live. The dream I longed for, to become one with someone else, came true. God, through Jesus, filled my greatest need and took away my greatest frustration. I woke up and realized that I was satisfied and no longer needed the fantasy.

In fact, I looked at the books that were my love affair for years and finally understood that what they offered was just a cheap imitation of a more perfect reality. They could never satisfy me, but only promise what they could never deliver. I didn't need them and I didn't want them. I found the better offer.

Okay, so what's my point? Am I saying that you shouldn't read vampire books or see vampire movies? Am I calling for a boycott or condemning those who produce and enjoy such works? No, I am not. I still enjoy a good tale, vampire or otherwise. But Jesus advised His disciples to be "shrewd as serpents and harmless as doves" because He was sending them out as "sheep among wolves." In order to be shrewd as serpents, you need to understand the underlying message and know your own motivations.

Are you a Christian and looking to fill a personal need somewhere other than in God? Then, you need to be aware. If you don't believe in God, I would like to tell you about what I've found (or about who found me). Jesus told His disciples (students), "You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." That is why we drink deeply of Jesus, because He sets us free. True Christians, those who have entered union with Christ, are not bound or contained or trapped. We are able to love deeply and freely because we have a constant source of life filling us as we give.

Does this mean Christians are perfect? No way! I am not. No one is. We still do stupid things. We still hurt people. We still fail to be everything that we should be. But we are more than we were. And if we continue to drink deeply, we will continue to grow and bring light and life into the world. But we must drink to grow.

So, if you have already tasted of Jesus, then I encourage you to continue to drink. If you have not, then I encourage you to try Jesus for yourself. Either way, please be wise and recognize when someone is offering you something tainted; a drink that cannot quench your thirst. Jesus said, "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst." May you accept His water alone... and never thirst again.

Bible Verses in this writing:
John 7:37-39
John 14:16-20
Matthew 10:16
John 8:32
John 4:13-14